George and Bob, Sally and Noël
Let’s say that life is Life, and that his name is George. George rejects and flees from Bob’s attentions; let’s say that Bob is Death, why not? George is wed to Sally, who’s the Present and cares nothing to imagine any other situation. But Imagination, a friend named Sam with a big, mischievous moustache, keeps introducing George to other girls and even arranges "accidental" meetings at which Bob is present. Everyone, let’s call them the Democrats, thinks that Bob is like an aggressive gay man, who annoys George, even frightens him, and the Democrats and Everybody Else, let’s call them the Republicans, with his need to maybe justify himself by public demonstrations of belief that George really belongs to him, ultimately, not to Sally.
George, though he tries manfully to ignore Bob and really doesn’t like to think about the business at all, when pressed, say by a sudden questioning flicker in Sally’s blue eyes, does insist with great sincerity that he’s not that kind of dude.
Sally has a friend who comes around quite a bit, who’s always remembering things. Her name is Noël and she is Yesterday..., not the Past–that’s Lois, and she keeps a decent distance. For God’s..., Jehovah’s sake, let’s not drag Lois into this; it’s mawkish enough already! But Noël is always dimpling as she reaches for a cookie from the sofa and reminding George that he used to be wed to Tasha, Ideals, and he was happy then, too. Not to mention, as Noël does on different visits, Sonya, Work; Pam, Pleasure; Alice, Progress Through Science (she was a strange one, let me tell you!) and Bonnie, Self-fulfillment (just a pretty face, really). George wishes Noël wouldn’t come around so much, though she can be awfully pleasant and a lot of fun and a great partner at Trivial Pursuit. But she’s Sally’s friend, some kind of relative he has never quite figured out, and so George never tells Sally how annoying Noël can be.
Sally and George have Picnics, Walks-In-the-Park, Little Tiffs and Kayaking Adventures–Polly, Wally, Molly and Peter, who help bind them together. But the kids go to bed and miss Sam’s big party. The Democrats all eat and drink a lot, especially George, who enjoys his reputation as a vitalist (but let’s not bring his loud-mouth brother, Alfie into this, shall we?). In a lull between dances, George looks up from Sally’s sweaty shoulder and notices Bob has climbed on stage and snatched the microphone. "Just like Bob," he whispers to Sally, who maybe doesn’t even hear. But Bob starts in on something neurotic and naughty, which George thinks might be from "Ain’t Misbehavin’". Noël would know, but she doesn’t dance, so she’s not handy. In fact, George reflects, Noël is the most un-handy person he’s ever met. Bob, however, is walking across the front of the little stage upon which the band sits beneath the glittering sign that reads, "The Republicans," and he’s doing a hell of a job, crooning out the sad, sarcastic, longing, accusing lyrics and slinking about with Animal Magnetism, a trained chimp the like of which George has seen on TV, but never before in real life.
"Oh, no!" George thinks, stumbling into Sally, "This can’t be." But, of course.... The Democrats can see and soon even the band will notice. They murmur that they said so all along. Poor Sally. Well, maybe a therapist...or maybe George can just repress it, for gosh sakes. Clamp down. But there’s no denying, the chimp has George by the hand and is trying to draw him toward Bob, who’s staring straight at George now and his handsome throat is swollen with the beautiful music. When the song is over, Bob drops his head and hands theatrically.
And George finds himself in the ridiculous, embarrassing situation of struggling only half-heartedly with an amazingly strong chimpanzee to get back to Sally from the middle of an emptying dance floor. But in the end, somehow, that’s George for you, every time.
appeared February, 2003